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School avoidance, emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA), anxiety-related absence and school non-attendance are rarely simply about a child refusing to go to school.


For many neurodivergent children, not being able to attend school is the end point of something that has been building for weeks, months or even years.

Mother hugs child while they watch a golden sunset over a school building from a grassy hillside, peaceful evening mood

Anxiety.

Sensory overwhelm.

Masking.

Exhaustion.

Feeling unsafe.

Difficult transitions.

Unmet needs.

Relationship difficulties.

Autistic burnout.


And often, by the time a child stops attending altogether, the whole family is struggling.


New research published by Sunshine Support for School Avoidance Awareness Week 2026 gives a powerful insight into what families experiencing school attendance difficulties are actually facing.


At Magic Minds Family Hypnotherapy, much of what the research describes is familiar to us. We work with neurodivergent children and families experiencing anxiety, emotional overwhelm, autistic burnout and difficulties accessing school.


Our starting point is not:

“How do we make this child go back to school?”

It is:

“What is making school feel so difficult for this child, and what do they need in order to feel safer?”


That distinction matters.


School non-attendance is often the symptom, not the problem

Sunshine Support's research gathered 1,103 eligible responses from parents and carers with current or previous experience of a child's attendance difficulties.


One of its central conclusions is that attendance difficulties rarely have one simple cause.


The school environment was identified as a contributing factor by 82.9% of families. Safety was identified by 59.7%, systems and policies by 55.5%, relationships by 54.1%, and learning by 47.9%.


In fact, 78.9% of respondents identified at least two contributing factors.


This is important.


When a neurodivergent child says:

“I can't go.”

we need to become curious about what sits underneath those words.


For an autistic child, a child with ADHD or PDA, or another neurodivergent young person, the school day can involve an enormous number of demands.


Noise.

Crowds.

Unpredictability.

Transitions.

Social expectations.

Sensory discomfort.

Executive functioning demands.

Academic pressure.

Masking.

Fear of getting something wrong.

Difficulty communicating needs.

Trying to stay regulated in an environment that their nervous system experiences as overwhelming.


Simply increasing the pressure to attend does not identify or address those underlying difficulties.


The warning signs often appear before attendance breaks down

One of the most significant findings in the research is that difficulties were often visible before children stopped attending school.


Before attendance became difficult, 31.9% of children were already showing regular signs of distress, 23.1% were frequently anxious and 23.9% were occasionally reluctant to attend.


Only 19.3% were described as happy to attend beforehand.


The report describes attendance as being, for many children, “the final symptom” rather than the beginning of the problem.


This is something we believe is crucial.


A child doesn't need to be completely out of school before they deserve support.


  • The child who manages to get through the school gates but falls apart every evening may need support.

  • The child experiencing increasingly severe Sunday-night anxiety may need support.

  • The child whose tummy aches mysteriously disappear during school holidays may be communicating something important.

  • The child masking throughout the school day and experiencing huge emotional releases at home may not be “fine at school”.

  • And the child beginning to say “I don't want to go” deserves curiosity before those words become “I can't go.”


Earlier support could make a difference

Perhaps the most striking statistic in the Sunshine Support research is this:

92.7% of parents and carers said earlier appropriate support could, or maybe could, have reduced their child's school attendance difficulties.


Yet recognition was frequently slow.


For 49.8% of respondents, it took at least a year for their child's attendance difficulty to be recognised as connected with wellbeing, anxiety, SEND or neurodivergence — or it still had not been recognised at the time of the survey.


Only 21% reported recognition within three months.


That gap between the first signs of distress and meaningful support can be enormously important.


At Magic Minds, we don't believe a family should have to wait until a child reaches crisis before seeking help.


How Magic Minds supports children struggling with school attendance

Our work is neurodiversity-affirming, trauma-informed and low-demand.


We don't use hypnotherapy to persuade or compel children to attend school.


Instead, we work with the difficulties surrounding school attendance: anxiety, emotional safety, nervous-system regulation, confidence, overwhelm, burnout and the child's capacity to cope.


Depending on the child and family, support might include:

  • Therapeutic support for anxiety and emotional regulation. Clinical hypnotherapy can provide children and young people with gentle ways of developing feelings of safety, recognising what is happening in their body and accessing regulation strategies. For children who find direct questioning or traditional talking therapy difficult, imaginative and indirect approaches can be particularly valuable.

  • Magic Moment Stories. Some children don't want to sit opposite a therapist and discuss their feelings — and they shouldn't have to. Our therapeutic stories use metaphor, imagination and indirect suggestion, allowing children to engage with therapeutic ideas without being placed under pressure to explain themselves.

  • Support for autistic burnout. When a child has reached the point of exhaustion or burnout, pushing harder is unlikely to address what their nervous system needs. Our SPARK programme is designed for young people experiencing burnout, including children who are struggling to access school, and focuses on rebuilding regulation and capacity gradually.

  • Co-regulation and parent support. A child's difficulties don't happen in isolation. We help parents understand regulation and co-regulation so that home can become a place where a child's nervous system can recover rather than another environment in which they feel pressure to perform. Parents can also access ongoing support through our Calmer Parenting Club, our Skool community for parents of neurodivergent children, offering practical guidance, shared understanding and a supportive space to ask questions, celebrate the small wins and get help on the hard days.

  • Understanding what happens after school. Some children hold themselves together throughout the school day and release everything once they reach the safety of home. Our After-School Meltdown Toolkit helps parents understand and respond to this pattern with practical co-regulation support.


Parents need support too

School attendance difficulties affect much more than education.


Sunshine Support's findings show the extraordinary impact on whole families.

88.5% reported anxiety within the family.

65% reported social isolation.

69.4% reported reducing working hours, leaving employment, or both.

49% experienced financial difficulties.


More than half reported depression and relationship difficulties within the family.

This is why our work at Magic Minds is family-focused.


When your child is struggling to attend school, you may be trying to manage their distress while communicating with school, attending meetings, researching SEND provision, worrying about education, changing your work arrangements and wondering whether you are doing the right thing.


Meanwhile, you may be living with a child whose nervous system is constantly signalling danger.


Parents need somewhere they can be heard too.


Listening to parents and listening to the child

One theme runs particularly strongly through the Sunshine Support research: families want professionals to listen.


Parents described wanting professionals to look beyond attendance figures, recognise distress earlier, consider the whole child's needs and understand what parents were seeing at home.


As one parent told researchers:

“Parents are the expert on their child. Please listen to them.”


We agree.


Parents often see the parts of the child's experience that nobody at school sees:

  • They see the child unable to sleep the night before school.

  • They see the tears in the car.

  • They see the restraint collapse at 4pm.

  • They see the headaches, stomach aches and exhaustion.

  • They see the child who appears to be coping becoming progressively less able to function at home.


That information matters.


So does the child's voice, including when that voice isn't expressed verbally.


Behaviour, withdrawal, shutdown, distress, avoidance and overwhelm are all forms of communication.


Our job is not simply to stop the behaviour.


It is to become curious about what it is telling us.


Feeling safe comes before being ready to learn

The Sunshine Support report concludes that we need to become better at “noticing, understanding and responding before a child reaches the point where attending is no longer possible.”


That principle sits very closely alongside the way we work at Magic Minds.


We cannot promise that hypnotherapy will get a child back into school.


Nor do we believe that returning a child to full-time attendance as quickly as possible should automatically be the measure of successful therapy.


Instead, we can help families work on the foundations that may need rebuilding first:

Safety. Regulation. Connection. Confidence. Trust. Emotional capacity.


Sometimes progress looks like returning to school.

Sometimes it looks like tolerating a conversation about school without becoming overwhelmed.

Sometimes it means reconnecting with learning outside the school environment.

Sometimes it means a child beginning to recognise and communicate what they need.

Sometimes the first sign of recovery is simply seeing a little more of your child again.


Your child does not have to reach crisis before you ask for help

One of the clearest messages from the 2026 research is that the opportunity to intervene may come much earlier than we think.


If your neurodivergent child is becoming increasingly anxious about school, struggling with transitions, experiencing meltdowns after school, showing signs of burnout or beginning to struggle with attendance, you don't have to wait until they stop attending altogether before seeking support.


At Magic Minds Family Hypnotherapy, we work with children and families to understand what is happening beneath the behaviour and build greater safety, regulation and connection, without adding more pressure to an already overwhelmed child.


Because when a child is struggling to attend school, the question shouldn't simply be:

“How do we get them through the door?”


A much more useful place to begin is:

“What is making that door feel impossible to walk through?”


And then we can start helping from there.


Looking for support with school avoidance or school anxiety?

Magic Minds Family Hypnotherapy supports neurodivergent children and young people experiencing school anxiety, school avoidance/EBSA, autistic burnout, emotional overwhelm, meltdowns and difficulties with regulation.


Our support is neurodiversity-affirming, low-demand and designed around the individual child and family.


Explore our therapeutic support, SPARK burnout programme, Magic Moment Stories and parent resources, or get in touch to discuss what might be appropriate for your child.





This article refers to findings from Sunshine Support's School Non-Attendance Research Report, published for School Avoidance Awareness Week 2026. The research reports the experiences of 1,103 eligible parent/carer respondents and should be understood as parent/carer-reported evidence rather than a representative prevalence study of all children experiencing school attendance difficulties.

 
 
 
Beach sunset with mug reading Just breathe, notebook and plant on a table; text says The Holiday AFTER THE HOLIDAYS

The children are going back to school. You made it through the summer holidays. So why don't you feel rested?


For many parents, the summer holidays aren't really a holiday at all.


They can mean weeks of planning, feeding, entertaining, driving, negotiating, anticipating needs, managing changing routines and trying to make sure everyone else is okay.


And if you're parenting a neurodivergent child, the summer can bring another layer entirely.

Changes to routine. Different expectations. Busy places. Family days out that don't always go to plan. Siblings with completely different needs. More time together with fewer opportunities for everyone to decompress.


You may reach September feeling as though you're the one who needs six weeks off.

That's exactly why I've created The Holiday After the Holidays, a guided relaxation and virtual holiday for parents inside the Calmer Parenting Club.


Why can the summer holidays leave parents feeling exhausted?

Parenting carries a huge amount of work that nobody necessarily sees.


There's the practical work, of course: meals, washing, appointments, activities, shopping, lifts and the never-ending question of what everyone is going to eat next.


But there's also the mental load of parenting.


It's remembering who needs what. Anticipating what might be difficult. Keeping track of plans. Thinking ahead. Adjusting expectations. Noticing changes in your child's mood. Trying to prevent overwhelm before it happens.


For parents of neurodivergent children, this can also mean constantly considering sensory needs, anxiety, demands, transitions, communication and how much capacity your child has that day.


Even during lovely family moments, part of your brain can remain on duty.

So when September arrives, it isn't surprising if your first reaction isn't "What a wonderful summer!"


It might be:"I'm absolutely exhausted."


When the children go back to school, parents don't simply switch off

There's often an assumption that once the children walk through the school gates, parents can finally relax.


But bodies and minds don't necessarily work like that.


You can have a quiet house and still find your thoughts racing.


You might immediately start catching up on everything that didn't happen during the holidays. Or find yourself worrying about how your child is coping at school. Or simply feel strangely flat now that you've stopped.


When you've spent weeks responding to everyone else's needs, it can take time to remember how to attend to your own.


And that's where intentionally creating a little space for yourself can be valuable.


You don't have to try to relax

One of the things I don't particularly like about some approaches to relaxation is that they can make relaxation itself feel like another task.


Take a deep breath.

Clear your mind.

Relax your body.


And when your mind continues thinking about the PE kit you haven't bought, the email you need to send and whether there's anything for dinner, you can end up feeling as though you're doing relaxation wrong.


You're not.


That's why The Holiday After the Holidays isn't about forcing yourself to relax.

It's an invitation to stop doing for a little while.


During the guided visualisation, I'll take you away from the everyday demands of family life and on your own imaginary holiday.


No travelling.

No packing.

No checking whether everyone has remembered their toothbrush.

And, perhaps most importantly, nobody asking you for a snack.


You simply get to listen.


Why guided visualisation can be helpful when your brain won't switch off

Sometimes sitting down and telling yourself to rest isn't particularly restful.

Your body might have stopped, but your brain hasn't received the memo.


Guided imagery gives your attention somewhere else to go.


Rather than trying to create a completely blank mind, you're invited to imagine another environment: somewhere comfortable, peaceful and entirely yours.


During our virtual holiday, you'll be gently encouraged to imagine putting down some of the things you've been carrying.


The planning.

The remembering.

The anticipating.

The unfinished jobs.

The things you're already worrying about for next week.


You don't need to solve any of them.

For a short while, they can simply wait.


Parents need looking after too

This is particularly important to me because so much of my work with families centres around helping parents understand what may be happening underneath their child's behaviour and how their own calm presence can help create a greater sense of safety.


But you cannot spend your entire life being the person who holds everything for everybody else without sometimes needing somewhere to put it down.


Parent support shouldn't only be about teaching you more things to do for your child.


Sometimes support needs to be for you.


Not because you need to become a perfectly calm parent.

Not because you should never feel frustrated, overwhelmed or desperate for five minutes alone.

Because you're a human being within your family too.


You matter.


Join me for The Holiday After the Holidays

On Friday, I'll be hosting The Holiday After the Holidays inside the Calmer Parenting Club on Skool.


It's a gentle guided relaxation created especially for parents after the intensity of the summer holidays.


Find somewhere comfortable. Bring a blanket. Put your headphones on if you'd like.


And for a little while, let somebody else do the thinking.


I'll take you on the holiday.

You don't even have to pack.


Try the Calmer Parenting Club FREE for 7 days

If you're not already a member, you can access the Calmer Parenting Club free for seven days, so you can join us for the guided relaxation and explore everything else inside the community too.


The Club is designed to be somewhere parents can find practical support, useful resources and, importantly, other parents who understand that family life doesn't always look the way the parenting books suggest it should.


You'll find opportunities to ask questions, understand more about what might be sitting underneath your child's behaviour, share what's working, celebrate the tiny wins and access resources to support calmer family life.


And sometimes you can simply say:"Today's a hard day."

And be around people who get it.


So, if the summer holidays have left you feeling as though you need a holiday to recover from the holiday, I'd love you to join me on Friday.


🌴 The Holiday After the Holidays

Friday 4th September, 10.30am UK time

A guided relaxation for parents to put down the mental load, switch off and escape.

Join the Calmer Parenting Club to join this guided relaxation.


Because after spending the summer looking after everybody else, perhaps it's time somebody looked after you for a little while.



 
 
 

When parents first come to see me, they often arrive carrying far more than worry about their child's behaviour. They carry guilt, exhaustion and the overwhelming feeling that they have somehow failed. They've read the parenting books, tried the reward charts, followed well-meaning advice and done everything they can think of, yet their child still struggles with anxiety, meltdowns, school avoidance or emotional overwhelm.


As a paediatric clinical hypnotherapist, former primary school teacher and neurodivergent family coach, I hear the same story time and time again. Parents are desperately searching for strategies to stop the behaviour, when in reality the behaviour is rarely the problem at all.

I believe it's time we changed the conversation about neurodivergent children and children's mental health.


Looking Beneath Behaviour

Hand in a knit sleeve touches tries to smooth the rippling water at sunset, with golden reflections on a rippling lake.

One of the biggest misconceptions in parenting and education is that behaviour is something to be managed. We often focus on what we can see - the tears, the anger, the refusal, the shouting, the withdrawal - without asking what might be happening underneath.


Imagine standing beside a lake and watching ripples spread across the surface. You could spend hours trying to smooth the water, but unless you understand what is creating those ripples, nothing really changes.


Children's behaviour works in much the same way.


Whether a child is refusing school, melting down after a busy day, shutting themselves away or becoming increasingly anxious, their behaviour is often communicating something that words cannot. Behaviour is communication, and for many neurodivergent children it is the clearest expression of a nervous system that no longer feels safe.


When we learn to look beneath the behaviour instead of reacting only to what we can see, we begin to understand the child rather than simply trying to change them.


Understanding the Nervous System

One question has transformed both my professional practice and my own family life.

Instead of asking, "How do we stop this behaviour?" I now ask, "What is this child's nervous system trying to tell us?"


That single shift changes everything.


Many neurodivergent children spend every day processing overwhelming sensory information, navigating unpredictable environments, masking their differences, coping with social expectations and managing demands that require enormous emotional energy. By the time they arrive home, they may have very little capacity left.


From the outside, their response can look irrational or disproportionate. From the inside, however, their brain is doing exactly what it has evolved to do: protecting them when it perceives that they are no longer safe.


Understanding the nervous system doesn't mean removing boundaries or lowering expectations. It means recognising that children cannot consistently learn, reason or regulate when their brain is focused on survival.


Safety must come first.


Why Co-Regulation Matters

One phrase you'll hear me say often is this:

Connection isn't the reward for calm. Connection creates calm.


This simple idea lies at the heart of co-regulation, yet it is often misunderstood. Co-regulation is not another parenting technique or behaviour strategy. It is the natural process through which a calm, emotionally available adult helps a child's nervous system return to a place of safety.


Children borrow our calm long before they can consistently create it for themselves. When they experience safety through our presence, our voice, our patience and our relationship, their body gradually settles. Only then do they become more able to think clearly, communicate effectively, solve problems and develop the skills of self-regulation.


For me, this is one of the most important conversations we can be having about children's mental health.


Changing the Conversation

Whether I'm supporting families through Magic Minds Family Hypnotherapy, delivering training to professionals through the CLEAR Framework or speaking at conferences, I continue to return to one central message:

Behaviour makes sense when we understand the nervous system beneath it.


When we stop asking, "What's wrong with this child?" and begin asking, "What does this child need to feel safe?", we respond differently. Our relationships become stronger, our expectations become more realistic and our children begin to feel understood instead of judged.


That doesn't just change behaviour. It changes families.


Join Me on the Journey

This passion for changing the conversation is exactly why I've created my new podcast, Chaos to Calm.


Each episode explores neurodivergent children, children's mental health, co-regulation, therapeutic storytelling and practical ways parents and professionals can build calmer, safer and more connected relationships. My hope is that these conversations will replace confusion with understanding and help more adults see the child beneath the behaviour.


If you're a parent, teacher, therapist or anyone supporting neurodivergent children, I'd love you to join me.


The first episode of Chaos to Calm launched last Friday, and I hope it will encourage you to see behaviour through a different lens.


Because when we stop trying to fix behaviour and start creating safety, everything begins to change.


Podcast cover for The Chaos To Calm, with smiling blonde host Amy Dalwood-Fairbanks and Magic Minds Family Hypnotherapy logo.

 
 
 

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