- Amy Dalwood-Fairbanks
- 5 days ago
- 5 min read
On Saturday evening, my partner and I (pictured) attended a fundraising ball for Sunflowers Suicide Support, a local charity providing vital support to families affected by suicide and mental health crisis. This cause is also deeply personal to me, having lost my husband to suicide 20 months ago.
The room was filled with compassion, grief, resilience and a shared understanding that far too many children, teenagers and adults are reaching breaking point before they receive the support they truly need.
And as someone who works closely with neurodivergent children, teenagers and families every single week, one thought stayed with me throughout the evening:
How many neurodivergent young people are still falling through the cracks?
Because the statistics are deeply concerning.
The Alarming Rise in Suicide Risk Among Neurodivergent Young People
Research consistently shows that autistic children and young people, and those with ADHD or additional neurodevelopmental needs, experience significantly higher rates of:
suicidal ideation,
self-harm,
mental health crisis,
and suicide.
Studies suggest autistic individuals may be at up to eight times greater risk of death by suicide than the general population.
Meta-analyses have found prevalence rates of approximately:
34% experiencing suicidal ideation
24% experiencing suicide attempts or suicidal behaviours
Young people with ADHD have also been shown to have dramatically increased rates of self-harm, with some studies identifying an approximately fourfold increased risk compared with neurotypical peers.
These are not small differences. These are system-level warning signs.
And importantly, neurodivergence itself is not the problem. The problem is what happens when children live in a world that repeatedly misunderstands them.
Neurodivergent Distress Often Does Not “Look” Like Distress
One of the greatest challenges is that many neurodivergent children and teenagers do not present in the ways professionals have traditionally been trained to recognise.
Distress may look like:
shutdown,
selective mutism,
emotional dysregulation,
school refusal,
aggression,
avoidance,
self-isolation,
flat affect,
sensory overwhelm,
or complete exhaustion from masking.
Many young people become incredibly skilled at hiding how unsafe they truly feel internally.
Others are labelled “challenging,” “attention seeking,” “non-compliant,” or “anxious,” without anyone fully recognising the chronic nervous system overload happening beneath the surface.
And too often, by the time support finally arrives, that child or young person is already in crisis.
When a Child Is in Acute Distress But Still Isn’t Seen
I know this not only professionally, but personally.
At one stage, my own daughter experienced acute mental distress severe enough to require attendance at A&E. We waited for four hours. Four hours in a busy emergency department while she was in profound emotional crisis. And despite the severity of her distress, she was never seen by a mental health professional.
No neurodivergent-informed assessment.
No meaningful intervention.
No specialist understanding of how distress can present differently in autistic and neurodivergent young people.
Eventually, we left feeling unseen, unsupported and terrified.
I know many families reading this will recognise that feeling instantly.
Not because professionals do not care. But because systems are overwhelmed, pathways are fragmented, and many clinicians have simply never been given the neurodivergent-specific communication training needed to confidently identify and respond to these presentations early enough.
The Systemic Gaps We Can No Longer Ignore
Across healthcare, CAMHS, education and allied health services, recurring themes continue to emerge:
long waiting lists,
inaccessible services,
school distress escalating into crisis,
neurodivergent burnout being mistaken for “behaviour,”
discharge for “non-engagement,”
missed diagnoses,
and young people masking so effectively that risk is underestimated entirely.
Many families are desperately trying to communicate:
“My child is not coping.”
But what professionals often see is:
avoidance,
silence,
dysregulation,
anger,
withdrawal,
or a teenager staring at a phone saying “I’m fine.”
Without neurodivergent-informed communication skills, critical moments can be missed.
And those missed moments matter.
Why I Created CLEAR
Alongside my work at Magic Minds Family Hypnotherapy, I have quietly been working on something else.
Something bigger.
Something designed not only to support individual families once they reach crisis point, but to help change some of the systems that simply are not working for neurodivergent children, young people and families.
Because while parents are exhausted, frightened and desperately searching for help, many professionals are overwhelmed too.
Clinicians, GPs, therapists, paediatric teams, allied health professionals and CAMHS staff are increasingly supporting neurodivergent young people with highly complex presentations, often without enough neurodivergent-specific training in communication, nervous system regulation, masking, shutdown states or sensory distress.
And that gap matters. Because when distress is misunderstood, children can fall through the cracks.
This is one of the reasons I created the CLEAR Framework.
CLEAR was developed to help medical professionals, therapists, allied health professionals and clinicians feel more confident conducting consultations with neurodivergent children, teenagers and families.
Not through scripts or rigid behavioural approaches. But through understanding:
nervous system regulation,
sensory presentation,
relational safety,
co-regulation,
neurodivergent communication styles,
masking,
shutdown states,
and emotionally safe clinical interaction.
Because when professionals feel more confident and better equipped, consultations change.
Children feel safer.
Families feel heard.
Risk becomes easier to identify earlier.
And support becomes more appropriate before crisis escalates.
CLEAR is not about blaming professionals. It is about recognising that many clinicians were never trained for the sheer increase in neurodivergent presentations now entering healthcare systems.
And yet they are expected to navigate highly complex consultations every single day.
We cannot continue expecting different outcomes without providing different tools.
We Need Earlier Understanding — Not Just Crisis Response
By the time a neurodivergent young person reaches suicidal ideation or self-harm, there has often been a long history beneath the surface:
chronic overwhelm,
masking,
unmet needs,
social isolation,
school-based trauma,
sensory exhaustion,
repeated misunderstanding,
and nervous systems stuck in survival mode.
The answer cannot simply be:
“Refer to CAMHS and wait.”
We need:
earlier recognition,
neurodivergent-informed communication,
emotionally safer consultations,
better cross-system understanding,
and professionals who feel equipped to confidently support these children before they reach breaking point.
Because no child should have to reach crisis point before being believed.
And no family should leave an emergency department feeling invisible.
Please Share This
If this blog resonates with you, whether as a parent, clinician, teacher, therapist or professional, please share it.
The more awareness we raise around neurodivergent mental health, suicide risk, masking and systemic gaps in support, the more opportunity we have to create meaningful change.
Because these children are not “difficult.” They are often distressed, overwhelmed and profoundly misunderstood.
And together, we can do better before more young people fall through the cracks.
If you are a medical professional, therapist, allied health professional, educator or clinician working with neurodivergent children and families, I would also like to invite you to my upcoming webinar: The Missing Clinical Communication Skills Needed to Better Support Neurodivergent Young People in Healthcare and Therapeutic Settings.
The session explores how nervous system regulation, emotionally safe communication and neurodivergent-informed consultation approaches can help professionals build trust more quickly, reduce distress and better identify children who may otherwise go unseen within overwhelmed systems.
You can register for the webinar here: The Missing Clinical Communication Skills Needed to Better Support Neurodivergent Young People in Healthcare and Therapeutic Settings.
Because earlier understanding can change outcomes.
